Questions of Home

The other night Dave said he felt like he was still sleeping in someone else's house. We are all slightly off kilter here as we try to navigate the daily requirements of life in new surroundings. So I've been reflecting quite a bit on what a home is and how we create a place of refuge from the world for our families.

Last year I read a book called The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton. I love this writer. He is a philosopher and so wise. He quotes Baudelaire:

"It always seems to me that I'll be well where I am not and this question of moving is one that I'm forever entertaining with my soul."

This feeling of being well where we are not comes in part from knowing we belong somewhere else. I think most individuals have a longing to return to home to that God who created them (those who don't had something go awry). I think its so incredibly difficult to access that place within your spirit that can be utterly at peace.



Enter the temple. There are wonderful connections available there. It often feels like home to me. Not always but often. The qualities that make it so peaceful are:
1. Quiet space for contemplation
2. A loving and calming staff who expresses gratitude for your being there
3. A place for everything and everything in its place
4. Simplicity in design and places filled with light
5. A consistent effort to serve others
6. Beautiful surroundings and harmony with the nature outside
7. Focus on family and binding families together

So if I take these qualities and consider how I might implement them into my home a blueprint of sorts comes together.

First, space for contemplation. I have to admit that this number one on my list above is number one on most of my lists. I love to have space to think and to write and to ponder. I used to give little thought to this because I had small children. How do you find quiet space to ponder with little kids? I realize now how desperately all of us have needed that space. Children need that space as well. To be alone with their own thoughts and to access the Spirit. In this new house, we are finding it difficult to be alone. Finding it difficult to have quiet without the t.v. or other electronics. This habit of contemplation is my number one focus this summer. However, in order to create that space I have to tackle some of the other things on the list.

I think in order to be comfortable with yourself you have to have others be comfortable around you. Others mirror for you the way you present yourself to the world. In the temple, I always feel welcome; I always feel safe. This is one reason that I can sit in a chair and close my eyes and feel at peace. I want my children to feel how grateful I am that they are here. I have struggled with that because I do like to be alone. If I yell at them to get away from me or to go away, they cannot feel that safety or peace. This is definitely something I need to work on.

Order. Oh how order and I have a love/hate relationship. I look at pictures on Pinterest like this one:

Then I look at reality and it does not look like this.

I have always struggled with how to create order. At one point in my life I believed that it was like going against the grain. To try to create order in the midst of all this trending toward chaos was like swimming upstream. So much harder that just going with the flow. However, I have realized that my heart does not work right in the middle of chaos. It just stresses everyone out. We need a schedule and routine and a place for everything. Dave especially begins to get very testy when he does not have order. These things are my main focuses right now in the new house.

Just these first three. I can make my children feel safe and feel like I am grateful to have them here. I can put things in order and I can give them space for contemplation. More on the rest of the list.....when I get there.

Now, the more idle part of the Lamanites lived in the wilderness, and dwelt in tents; (Alma 22:28)

In my reading this morning, I noticed that the word idle is used in the context of building a home. Often in the scriptures, the people who choose not to build homes are labeled idle. In 1 Timothy people who wander about are idle (1Timothy 5:13). In Exodus, the word idle is used in the context of bricks and building (Ex. 5:17). It is a commandment to work and I think I often dismiss that as something I do all the time. However, in the context of building a home it has new meaning to me.

We are in the process of building a new home, of putting in order a new space for us to inhabit. The power of that order is made all the more pressing because things are so chaotic right now. But as I work, putting things away, making spaces for things, I realize how much that can invite the Spirit. My family needs that work to be grounded and focused on spiritual things. I think that is why we have been blessed with a new home at this time in our lives. We need to have a different space, one to invite the Spirit more fully into our lives and to give us access to revelation in a new way. I want us to grow closer as a family as the children grow older and I feel that the Lord has blessed us so richly with this new home so that we might enjoy a new dynamic in our family. I have learned so much about not being idle, not wasting my time with the television or video games or other mindless pursuits, this year. I have worked hard and feel that sense of accomplishment that comes from exertion. I hope my children will learn this value and I can see them develop into young adults who are "anxiously engaged in a good cause" (D&C 58:27).

Reading BYU's commencement recap on the church's website I came across this quote:

“Among all of the possible, worthy purposes for education and training, I hope you have either come with or developed since being here one desire above all others,” Elder Christofferson said. And that (desire) is to build your capacity to serve your fellowman. A desire to serve born of appreciation, respect, and love for others will provide the fulfillment you seek.”

As I approach my own graduation, I have been contemplating what it means that I have gained this education. I had planned to continue to study--to devote another five years of my life to studying my field. Now I wonder. What would be the benefit? How would a PhD enrich my life? What does the Lord want me to do? I don't have the answers to that question but I have found as I consider what my education means I realize that my desire to serve has been increased as Elder Christofferson has counseled. I have a stronger desire to serve my family because I can see how much they need a mother. I have a much better appreciation of my role in my family life because so often I am pulled away from it. 

I also see a need for my writing in the world. I feel a strong desire to use words to enrich the lives of other people. I love language. When I read scriptures about the Word, about the power of the Word, I feel an intense hope in the power to overcome the adversary through language. The big issue these days is how to balance. How do I balance my need for a job, my need to write and my need to serve my family and my ward? Again, I don't have an answer. I think many women struggle with these tensions. 

Another quote from the BYU commencement:

“Though men’s hearts are failing them, you should take heart. There have always been challenging times,” Elder Oaks said. “We, the generations of your predecessors, have survived daunting challenges and so will you. The answer to all of these challenges is the same is it has always been. We have a Savior, and He has taught us what we should do.”

I'm so grateful that in these challenges I know in whom I have trusted. 

Fasting and Prayer

I'm not good at these two things. I recognize their value. I try to do them but in the end I fail to fast and pray on a regular basis. I will get the prayer thing down and then fall off the wagon. We have prayer as a family but my personal prayer lacks some muster. And then there's the fasting. I dread it. I tend to get extremely bad headaches and feel weak when I fast. I rarely make it the entire day. However, I knew it needed to be done. I knew I needed to fast for this:

A new house. A big beautiful new house. I have felt impressed for six months that we needed to move. I knew it was time to make a change and move into our "teenager" house. This house has been my favorite since it came on the market two months ago. It is in the perfect location. It has the perfect floor plan and I love it. We knew we might have some obstacles to overcome, like selling our current house, like paying a bigger mortgage, like getting a good offer before someone else beat us to it. I have been anxious about all of these things this last week. Worried about how it would all work out.

Enter the fasting.

I asked Jared to fast with me and we decided Sunday was a good day. Even though it was Easter and he wanted to eat his candy he made the sacrifice. We had a beautiful Easter program and I felt so blessed to be in such a good ward. We had a lovely dinner and we had our dear friends over. It was a great day and despite the very bad headache I had in the afternoon I felt so close to the Spirit and my family that it was fine. I felt so happy and good about everything.

We had planned to make an offer on this house last night. We knew they might not accept it with the contingency that our house had to sell but we wanted to let them know how interested we were. When we arrived at the realtor's office, she nearly burst out the door. We had an offer on our house too! It is a great offer, one Dave and I both feel good about.

I am so moved by the power of fasting. The way it increases faith. The way it blesses us so immensely. I have seen it work other times but this time I have really seen the hand of the Lord in immediately blessing us. I am committing to fasting regularly and hope to become better at obeying this wonderful commandment--in my new house.